Good days Vs. Bad days

I have a feeling a lot of what will ensue from here on out is "today's a good day" or "today's a bad day." 

Hmmm... 

I went to Barnes & Noble this morning and bought some books. Knowledge is power. One of the books is for my fiance that teaches about nutrition and Cancer.  One book, I'm particularly excited about is called "Crazy, Sexy, Cancer Survivor." It seems to really set a good tone, has places you can write and questions that sparks your mind. 

Yesterday my fiance and I were talking about getting a Chemo bag together. 

My mom is a dialysis patient.  She has a dialysis bag. Filled with this and that: blanket, stuff to do, etc.

Me? A Chemo bag? The thought is chilling. 

But I do have my cuddle blanket, I have some books, my Kindle Fire.  Gotta brainstorm and see what else I wanna add in that. Perhaps a hoodie because I'll probably get cold. Of course I'll have to get an extra cell phone charger. 

With all of that said, today is actually a good day. I feel halfway human and kind of... empowered!

My hip is still killing me from the bone marrow biopsy yesterday. 

Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for coffee in the a.m.  The first F2F interaction with one of my friends since the diagnosis.  In the afternoon, I am seeing my psychiatrist.  They squeezed me in for a 3:30 appointment. 

Is it weird to say I can't wait for Monday?  That's my next appointment with the Oncologist.  It's THE appointment. It's when I get all my results, find out the game plan, when I start Chemo, how often, if the Cancer has spread yadda yadda yadda. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm terrified for Monday to approach, but at the same time I am antsy and anticipatory.

Right now all we've got is information.  And not a whole lot to go on. 

Le Sigh.

In other news, my fiance has been absolutely and completely amazing. I worry. I worry the toll this is going to take on her. I worry the toll this is going to take on US.  I'm really trying not to, I mean I certainly have a whole heck of a lot on my mind - and am about to have a whole heck of a lot more... But, still... 

Cancer sucks. But I'm gonna beat it. I have to believe that.