Finally moving along!

Finally we're moving along! I saw the surgeon this morning for a consult for my portacath placement.  Whew, seems complicated but here I go! I have the placement on Wednesday.  I'll be in the OR, under conscious sedation and such. I have looked up pictures of portacaths, and I have to say ewww... You can see it under the skin and it sticks out a bit.  Ah well. It is what it is I suppose. I have to admit I am kinda nervous for all of this.  Not just the surgery itself, but of course possible complications and the fact that after the surgery all the rest of this will begin.  I see my Oncologist next Monday and then [finally] begin this... um, journey? 

I've been in relatively good spirits over the last couple of days. My fiance and I saw my therapist yesterday, and that helped a lot.  I have a fantastic therapist. 

I'm still kind of bouncing back and forth emotionally, not so much anger but quite a bit of disbelief.  When I was filling out paperwork at the doctor's office this morning, I had to check under my current history "Cancer".  It felt weird. 

I have cancer.

I will be a cancer survivor.

This is not something I thought I'd face, especially so young.

My friend texted me this morning and she said they are learning about lymphoma in her nursing class.  She said "Jess, it's apparently very very rare that it's diagnosed in stage 1. You are a miracle." 

I had heard through support forums that diagnosis in stage 1 is almost unheard of.  Don't get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful, but it's so surreal. The whole thing.  The fact that that measly endoscopy, looking for something else, caught something BIG... and much sooner than it should have been caught. AND, that the doc wasn't even going to do the endoscopy, but at the urging of my primary care physician, he went ahead and did it at the same time as the colonoscopy.  That's pretty freaking wild, if you ask me! 

So here we go. This has been the LONGEST three weeks of my life.  My fiance put it very well in therapy yesterday, she said "everything is moving SO fast, yet so slow, at the same time." Hah. That's an understatement.

That's where I'm at today. 

We'll see what tomorrow brings, but for today... I'm alright.