Magnitude

So I did it. Finished the first round of chemo. 3 more rounds left, but I have a 4 month break between all my rounds.  I was feeling so excited... as I walked out of the chemo room I was elated, relieved... as the night has gone one, I've begun feeling quite overwhelmed. Emotionally tired. Emotional period.  The magnitude of the days events has set in. To be honest, I want to crawl into the fetal position and just cry.  Funny, funny that something so huge - such a huge feat as to finish an entire round of chemo and come that much closer to kicking cancer's ass, has my 'emotional' ass whupped. A large part of me feels empowered. Yet, small pieces of me feel broken. 

I need space. So as my precious fiance sleeps, I am moving into the guest room for the evening.  She's not even snoring tonight, LOL! I don't know, I just feel clogged... claustrophobic even... 

I'm sitting here blogging and sipping on some peppermint tea. It's soothing.  The downstairs is cold, but it's warm and cozy upstairs where I hope to sleep soundly.  UNfortunately, I've got steroids pumping through my system, as that's part of my IV cocktail prior to the actual chemo drug.  So being awake the day of chemo, and sometimes for a few days thereafter, has become, eh... expected.

I'll finish my tea, mozy on upstairs, and curl up in the guest bedroom bed - which actually is quite cozy. 

Goodnight, world. Until tomorrow...